The Lost Art of Being a Gentleman

I published this almost a year ago on a post and I thought I'd post it here also:

After two weeks of encounters with some of the most ungentlemanly characters that I have ever encountered, I have decided to write this blog. Some of it comes from www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life…. In this day and age it seems that the beloved gentleman is becoming extinct. Generally, the gentlemen existing are those of a former era and not of today's modern disrespectful society. I have met one or two gentlemen. They weren't billionaire stockmarketers or from old wealth or any of those rich stereotypes which stemmed from the older day versions of "gentlemen". One of them was in fact, a young bus driver. He had manners, was polite and acted as a gentleman should.

Some days random acts of gentlemanly behaviour can surprise one, as today in general, we have come not to expect such politeness and manners from males. Yesterday (even after the incident with the ungentlemanly character) I crossed paths with a gentleman who held the bus door open for every person to exit, even for me, regardless how slow I was to gather my things and leave the bus. I thanked him as a lady would. I believe gratitude should be shown where deserved. Here is one definition of a gentleman in whole:

"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe.

- John Walter Wayland "

Also a brief description of a gentleman's behaviour "Old-fashioned good manners - holding open doors, standing up when someone enters the room, asking questions of others rather than talking about yourself, ensuring that you compliment your host generously and so on - are an entry point for respectful behaviour. But it's more about your overall manner towards others: how one conducts oneself not only socially, but also in business, in relationships and in public."

And the 10 tips on how to be a gentleman according to www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life… (not that I agree with every single one of those) :

"How to be a (modern) gentleman
1. Some things don't change: say please and thank you and ask questions about other people rather than talk about yourself.
2. Be punctual. Tardiness does not make you look important, it turns you into an arrogant incompetent who thinks that his time is more important than other people's.
3. The modern gentleman cares about the planet. Be environmentally aware (but not obnoxious about it).
4. Open doors for people and stand up when they enter a room, but do this for men as well as women. The modern gentleman doesn't treat women like porcelain.
5. Be modest. Bragging is distinctly ungentlemanly.
6. Be a good father. Nothing is less charming than a man who leaves childcare to women.
7. Be honest about wherever you have come from in life. Pretension is spineless.
8. Flirt - with everyone. Good flirting is a form of politeness. Pay compliments and put your companion at ease.
9. Do not phone/text/check your BlackBerry incessantly.
10. Dress tidily. Whatever style you are going for, scruffiness just isn't in."

Now, that we know what a gentleman is, here is some discussion on what he is NOT. In past eras wealthy "chaps", "who appear to be the ultimate gentlemen can be the most dismissive, arrogant and shallow of all, more concerned with upbringing and appearances than substance and true character." Also, those from less privelledged backgrounds who adopt some of the stereotypes of past era gentlemen such as "the smart suits, the cigars, the clubs" are not automatically gentlemen either. "It's not that acquiring a taste for these things is wrong, only that it must be backed by deeper values of integrity, discretion and enough innate confidence not to have to shout about it."

Another website also brings up "the notion of, respect". Referring its "street use" as "so frequently used as a tool for aggression".

One website responded to the notion of gentlemen with this. "How as a society we have got to a point where it's OK to be surly and rude, I don't know," says Grant. "But I think people are now questioning general behaviour towards each other, so there's a chance that good behaviour - being a gentleman, if you like - will make a comeback." While a blogger on another site responded with a much more pessimistic (and possibly realistic) belief, " I share your dismay over this sad state of affairs. I too am more and more alarmed by the shallowness and indifference to facts demonstrated by our generation's children, by their lack of shame, disdain for civility."

Some gentleman associated words and definitions:
Gallant: having or displaying great dignity or nobility;
Chivalrous: being attentive to women like an ideal knight
Chivalry: honourable; involving chivalry (courtesy towards women)
Integrity: moral soundness, honesty, virtue
Dignity: quality of being worthy of esteem or respect
Honour: respect
Respect: an attitude of admiration or esteem, regard highly
Elocution: is the study of formal speaking in pronunciation, grammar, style, and tone.
Virtue: the quality of doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong, a particular moral excellence
Polite: showing regard for others in manners, speech, behavior. Well-mannered, friendly and civilized.
Manners: a polite or well bred social behaviour or habits
Charming: pleasant, charismatic

That all been said, here is the definition of lady: "A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior."

So, is the Lady and the Gentleman doomed? I sincerely hope not. Truly tragic, it is to lose such character in humanity as a whole.